German Jiu-Jitsu
Much better than all other kinds of jiu-jitsu...
Come and train under us at the German Jiu-Jitsu Combat and Cultural Sensitivity Center on Edelweiss Mountain, 40 minutes from Hamburg, Germany, because we have the best jiu-jitsu. 
However if you lack the discipline to come here but still want to defend yourself then you might want to download my distant cousin Stephan Kesting's book below about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (the distant second best kind of jiu-jitsu)...
German Jiu-jitsu
The most effective and punctual Martial Science in the Vorld.  Founded 25th December, Year 800, by Karl der Grosse (Charlemagne) for use by his personal bodyguard, this scientific Method of violent self defense uses your whole Body a Weapon and his whole Body as a Target!